ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and is a neuro developmental disorder and can be diagnosed in children and adults based on the symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity or impulsivity.
How are these things presented in our children?
Inattention signs include:
Making careless mistakes.
Having difficulty focussing.
Hard to concentrate and pay attention, organise and focus.
Losing things and forgetting things and not finishing homework.
Organisation.
Wondered if I had a hearing problem. Look like they don’t hear you.
Keep attention in class.
Super distracted.
Struggle with details that they are not interested in.
Can’t respond to everything that comes to their attention.
Hyperfocus
The opposite of inattention. If your child’s brain gets engaged in the right way, your child will focus so intently on something that it’s hard to tear them away from it.
Hyperactivity and impulsivity signs:
Fidgeting or restlessness.
Trouble sitting still.
Interrupting and blurting out answers.
Struggle to wait their turn.
Get up from their seat.
They can’t sit still.
Run around when they are not supposed to.
Talk all the time.
Interrupt people.
Blurt out answers.
Racing thoughts and feelings - not just physically hyperactive but emotionally hyperactive.
Going to bed is a huge challenge.
What else is affected in a child’s ADHD brain?
Dopamine - their reward transmitter
The reward transmitter, have trouble with routine, everyday tasks works differently so what feels rewarding to us won’t to a child with ADHD.
Executive function
This is affected. Planning ahead, initiating a task, remembering all the steps involved, being able to ignore distraction while they work on it all affected by ADHD - might get stuck on seemingly simple tasks.
Does everyone with ADHD have the same symptoms?
No, not everyone with ADHD has the same symptoms.
There are different levels of severity and people with ADHD often have coexisting conditions, such as learning difficulties, anxiety or depression. They can also be gifted.
The Positives
ADHD children have incredible brains and one day it will be these brains that will do incredible things!
Impulsivity and distractibility can translate into creativity and curiosity and a willingness to take risks and an ability to think outside the box.
What is the difference between ADHD in boys and girls: GENERALISATIONS!!
Boys
Get in trouble a lot.
More physically aggressive e.g. shoving and hitting.
Boys symptoms are more external - affects others.
Interrupt conversations.
Externalise their frustrations.
Boys more likely to have behavioural issues.
Can easily be dismissed as “boys being boys”.
Girls
More verbally aggressive.
Girls systems are more internal - affects themselves.
Space out during conversations.
Focus negativity inwards.
Girls more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
What about Ssecondary school age children - how does ADHD affect older children?
Let’s talk more about how ADHD affects your child’s emotions - it’s called emotional deregulation
Research shows their is a connection between ADHD and emotional dysregulation.
Your child might be told they are too sensitive.
Cried easily
Get excited too easily.
Many emotional storms.
It’s called emotional dysregulation.
A child with ADHD will feel normal emotions but they often feel and the way your child responds to those emotions can be more intense and last longer than neurotypical brains.
Brains have trouble regulating normal emotions.
Emotional self-regulation is complicated and it relies on things an ADHD has trouble doing.
ADHD children find it hard not to be impulsive especially when reacting to emotions they find difficult.
The more impulsive a child is the more impulsive their emotions are.
Anger, frustration, happiness and sadness - your ADHD child will feel and express strong emotions.
How can we help initially with their emotions - create an emotional tracker.
When your child has an emotional reaction - pay attention to it. What happened? What did it feel like? What was the situation/trigger? What did you feel? How did you react? What are the consequences? Will help you see your child’s emotional reactions. Just the act of noticing your emotions will help.
Some simple things we can do to help someone who has ADHD?
Remember ADHD is a neurodevelopment disorder so your child’s brain functions and develops differently.
2. Understand your child’s struggles.
Even with treatment ADHD doesn’t go away so the best thing you can do for your child is understand their struggles and work out ways that will help them feel less frustrated, more organised etc.
3. Help ease your child out of their hyper focus to get their attention. Simple touch.
4. When you want to talk to your child, give your child something to play with.
Fidget toys helps your child’s brain from bouncing all over the room. It will help your child focus. Have important conversations with your child when there aren’t distractions around.
5. Losing stuff
It’s important to have a place for everything. Be consistent.
6. Emotional meltdowns.
Often ADHD children can’t keep their emotions in check. Cut your child some slack. Tend to be sensitive. Find a way to work with your child’s brain.
Things for you to remember
1 You didn’t cause your child’s ADHD.
You did’t cause it and the things your child struggles with aren’t character defects. They are a result of how their brain is structured and an actual chemical imbalance in your child’s brain.
2 It’s not all bad.
ADHD isn’t all bad. Often a child with ADHD is creative, clever, funny and empathetic. Children with ADHD can also be hyper focused. It’s kind of like their superpower!
3 ADHD can be treated but medication is not your only option.
4 It’s important to get diagnosed and treated as soon as possible.
Your child’s ADHD will not get worse but the impact on your child’s life will if not recognised.
5 Behaviour is affected by the brain and ADHD brains develop and function much differently from neurotypical brains.
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Mental and emotional issues...
Something to remember...
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is defined by mind.org as ‘what we feel when we are worried, tense or afraid – particularly about things that are about to happen, or which we think could happen in the future.’ It is important to note that it is a very normal feeling to feel anxious and it occurs in times of stress or challenge. It causes increased adrenaline and creates a fight, flight or freeze reaction. All children experience anxiety and it is part of their natural development. Whilst it can be useful in preparing for new or challenging situation, it can also cause some very irrational fears. Some children are more anxious than others and it can affect their education, friendships, social development and every day functioning.
We have spoken to some mental health organisations and some parents who have already used some of our mental health boxes, and they say that anxiety feels like:
Often anxiety can come and go, but it can have some real impacts on your life including:
What can cause anxiety?
How can we help our child?
What coping strategies and approaches are there out there to help treat and manage anxiety?
- It is key that as parents we are real about our own emotions, and act as role models. We can’t assume that young people know about coping strategies and we must offer them reassurance. We should be normalising the feelings and making sure they know they are part of their natural development but that when the feelings become intense or affect their functioning, they need to ask for help.
- Tell them to acknowledge these thoughts they are having, but not let them be the boss of them. In order to reduce the fight, flight or freeze mode, they need to have good self care and take time to themselves to recharge their batteries and stop those thoughts they are having from preventing them from living life.
- Listen to your child and offer them some help with their self esteem and confidence. They need to know that it can be a scary place when they feel out of control and they need somebody there with them. So as a parents you can help to manage these scary moments for them and be there with them on the journey to readdress the balance. Celebrate the small wins with them and encourage them to find the gold and smell the roses!
- Exposure therapy can be a good tool to help them take small steps into not avoiding situations. Often young people will have set routines and safety behaviours which may turn into OCD and create a bigger problem. So some relaxation and distraction could help them to not talk them out of social situations when they are experiencing anticipatory anxiety.
- Avoid over scheduling, they need down time too! But equally, make time for the things that they enjoy doing. It isn’t all about education and after school activities that put pressure on them. Ask them what they truly enjoy and try and fit some of this in at least once a week.
- Learn some breathing techniques that they can use in times of need and stressful situations. There are plenty of these on YouTube and a really good one is the ‘relax like a cat’ video.
- Finally, teach them to learn the warning signs that they are not coping. Once they have been through this a few times, they will start to be aware of the changes that happen and the symptoms. They won’t want to go down that road again and will hopefully have a better coping strategy in place. One great way to recognise the signs is by keeping a mood diary!
We are VERY excited to announce we are widening our range of Mental Health boxes and bringing out a range for adults. Our cards will help you in so many ways!
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Useful apps
‘The Happy Child - Parenting App’ - This app grants you access to cutting-edge research and tips that will help you to raise a happy child. The daily lessons, which are short and easy-to-understand, give you science-based ways to increase long-term happiness in your child.
‘What’s Up? - A Mental Health App’ - This is a superb app which uses the best Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) methods to help you cope with depression, anxiety, anger and stress. It also helps identify and manage the twelve common negative thinking patterns and gives simple methods to overcome them. It helps your child to manage and feel in control of their thoughts.
‘Think Ninja’ - This is designed for children and young people, who are 10 to 18 years old. It helps to educate them on their mental health and emotional wellbeing. It can also help them to develop a range of skills that they might experience on a day to day basis especially if they are feeling stressed, anxious or their mood is low. All of the features of this app are usually only available as part of a special school programme or the NHS but due to the current exceptional circumstances, any 10-18 year old in the UK can get full free access to ThinkNijna right away.
BOOKS
‘My Anxiety Handbook: Getting back on Track - by Sue Knowles’ - This books helps young people with anxiety learn to recognise and manage their symptoms and teaches young people aged 10+ how they can overcome their biggest worries.
‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy: A Child’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety - by Poppy O’Neil’ - This practical guide combines proven cognitive-behavioural therapy methods used by child psychologists in schools with simple activities to help your child overcome anxiety. It is aimed at children aged 7-11 years.
‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens - by Sean Covey’ - This book provides a simple approach to helping teens improve self-image, friendships, resist peer pressure, achieve their goals, and appreciate their parents, as well as tackle the new challenges of our time, like cyberbullying and social media. In addition, this book is stuffed with cartoons, clever ideas, great quotes, and incredible stories about real teens from all over the world.
I hope these app and book suggestions might help you and your child. I think the important thing to remember is that we can't just plonk our children down in front of an app or book and expect change to happen. We must hold their hand and walk the journey with them so please use and read through the apps and books together.
Remember change doesn't happen all at once either!. It takes time. Use these apps and books in bite-size chunks and remember to always be patient but persevere. Creating new habits will happen and change will come.
Lastly, we are very excited to announce that we are working on a wide range of Mental Health Cards for adults! Areas include:
Emotional Wellbeing, Self-Esteem, Confidence, Pick-Me-Up, Law of Attraction, Hope, Courage, Stress Relief, Gratitude, Resilience, Morning and Evening Affirmations, Anxiety, Calm, Self-Care, Body Confidence and Healing.
If you would like to be put on a specific email list regarding these boxes (you will not be emailed about anything else!) then please >> click here.
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In this latest blog post we discuss 6 ways to help your child when they worry. We all worry! Everybody worries! I had Harry this evening in floods of tears because he was worried that he said he wanted a ham sandwich to his teacher instead of a cheese sandwich tomorrow at their school picnic.
It's really important to stress to our children that everybody worries and it is a very normal feeling and it occurs in times of stress or challenge however small or big you perceive the worry to be. So how can we help our children when they worry?
Below I list 6 coping strategies:
1) Validate, validate, validate! When they come to you with their worry - validate their feelings. It is key that as parents we are real about our own emotions, and act as role models. Offer reassurance by saying you too have worries and feel worried at times. By doing this little validation exercise, we are normalising the feeling of worry and making sure they know that is is normal and a natural development but it's also important to say here that if you feel your child's worries are too intense or affecting the way they function then it is ok to ask for help.
2) Say their worries out loud! Tell them that they can acknowledge their worried thoughts. This might be Harry saying something like: "Mummy, I'm worried about my school lunches." By getting their worries out of their heads and feeling like they are being listened to, will give them a sense of control over them. We are the boss of our worries not the other way round. This self-awareness needs practice but the more you do it the easier it will become.
3) Help their self esteem and confidence. Of course I'm going to plug my cards here but a simple set of positive affirmation cards is the perfect way to celebrate the small wins with them and encourage them to think and therefore feel positive. Saying "Everything is going to be ok." even if they don't believe it, is so important for our negative/worried brains to hear something positive. We're trying to teach this negative brain to be positive.
4) Exposure therapy can be a good tool to help them take small steps into not avoiding situations that they are worried about. So once they have challenged their worries - in Harry's case going into the lunchroom and having a sandwich - you can really praise them afterwards for it. Often young people will have set routines and safety behaviours so by gently encouraging them to go out of their comfort zone will help them in the long run.
5) Make time for the things that they really enjoy doing. It isn’t all about education and after school activities that put pressure on them. Ask them what they truly enjoy and try and fit some of this in at least once a week. It will simply make them feel good.
6) Take some deep breaths! Learn some breathing techniques that they can use in times of need and stressful situations. There are plenty of these on YouTube and a really good one is the ‘relax like a cat’ video.
I really hope these 6 ideas how but please let me know how you get on and if you have any that you can pass onto me!
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Telling the time is a key skill your child will be taught in stages during primary school. It is a core Maths skill in the National Curriculum but can be a tricky skill to master!
So you might be wondering how the topic of Time is taught in schools and at what stage they learn the different aspects of telling the time. When do they learn about the analogue clock or the digital 24 hour clock? When do they introduce telling the time in words and/or telling the time to the nearest minute?
Below we have outlined what the primary Maths National Curriculum says about it all and when certain aspects of time should be taught:
Teaching Time Year 1 (5 and 6 year olds)
Teaching Time Year 2 (6 and 7 year olds)
Teaching Time Year 3 (7 and 8 year olds)
Teaching Time Year 4 (8 and 9 year olds)
Don’t worry - your child will learn all of this during primary school, but this is such an important skill, that parents often choose to reinforce telling the time at home and below are some ideas to help with the very early stages to make it fun for your child and help them understand some of the basics!
Top Tip 1
In the early days of learning to tell the time, it is important that your child recognises the terms ‘before and after’ So you could ask them some of the below questions:
‘Do you turn the tap on before or after you wash your hands?’
‘Do you wash the dishes before or after you eat your meal?’
‘Do you cheer before or after someone scores a goal?’
Top Tip 2
Time is measured in seconds, minutes and hours. There are 60 seconds in one minute and 60 minutes in one hour. Ask your child to answer some of the below to get their head around this:
‘How long does it take to pick up a pen? 3 seconds, 3 minutes or 3 hours’
‘How long does it take to brush your teeth? 2 seconds, 2 minutes or 2 hours’
‘How long goes it take to watch a film? 2 seconds, 2 minutes or 2 hours'
Top Tip 3
You can ask your child to compare pictures of day and night. Show them different pictures and ask them if they can work out which scene is day and which is night by looking at the differences in the pictures. You can then also explain the terms morning, afternoon, evening and night-time and do the same activity.
Top Tip 4
Have a blank clock face and ask them to write the 12 numbers around the clock. You can then explain that the short hand on a clock points to the hour and the long hand points to the minutes. Ask them to draw two hands on the clock for 9 o’clock. You can then start to test them on different o’clock times using blank clock faces.
I have a range of Time Cards that will help your child at each stage of learning to tell the time:
The Time Flashcards are to help your child read o'clock, quarter past, half past and quarter to times. These cards are a perfect resource to begin learning about time with your child as they show the time in 3 formats on each card.
The Time Matching Cards 1 are great for when they are learning the o'clock, quarter past, half past and quarter to. Spread these cards out onto a surface and ask your child to try and match the clock face with the time in words.
The Time Matching Cards 2 are similar to the above but allow the child to match o'clock, quarter past, half past and quarter to time on an analogue and digital clock. These cards will help your child to understand the 12-hour clock and 24-hour clock.
The Time Matching Cards 3 are for the more advanced learner when they tell time to the nearest minute on an analogue clock and in words.
The Time Matching Cards 4 go one step further and help your child read the time to the nearest minute on an analogue and digital clock.
I hope these will help you and your child to have fun learning to tell the time together! Let me know if you have any other fun activities you have tried out.
]]>I think our Harry has about 10 different zillion billion emotions everyday poor chap! Everything that we do and every thought that we have comes with a feeling and boy doesn't Harry show it! Some of his thoughts are fantastic and the subsequent feelings he gets are good ones but some of his other thoughts, the not very nice ones, make him feel angry, sad and anxious. Some of Harry's feelings are weak and can pass through him without further thought but some of his other feelings, often the negative ones, can be strong and can hang around for a while.
Children have lots of different thoughts and subsequently lots of different emotions and feelings and as a parent it is often quite hard to navigate them well. Therefore I created my Emotion and Feelings Cards to help parents help their children figure out and recognise their differing thoughts and feelings and give parents and their children some ideas on how to manage them.
Be empathetic, reassure and teach...
The three key things that have helped me to help Harry is that when we are dealing with his intense emotions and feelings is to be empathetic towards him and to reassure him. I've noticed that if I mirror Harry's emotions and feelings this often results in more upset so I try and approach each situation with calmness - not always easy, but I try.
When we feel something, we choose what to do about that feeling and often that is where we need to give them the most support - to make the right choices about how they deal with them.
Name their emotions and feelings..
One trick I have learnt with Harry to help him cope with his emotions is when I am comforting him, I name his feelings and his emotions that I am seeing, for example, ‘you look worried Harry’ - this labelling can help Harry feel that his emotion is being recognised and this can be the first step in helping them.
So below, I explore 5 of the typical feelings from my 'Emotions and Feelings Cards' box and how you might help your child deal with them:
When they get angry...
Talk to your child about how they feel when they are angry. Feeling angry or cross can feel quite horrible, but explain to them that everyone gets angry and it is a common emotion. Here are some things they can do to help:
When they feel jealous...
Feeling jealous or envious happens when we want what someone else has or we feel that someone wants to be with another person more than they want to be with us. You should listen and talk to your child’s concerns and reasons as to why they are feeling jealous. Try and turn their negative feelings into a positive feeling and tackle the situation with compassion, no matter how trivial you may think it is. Here are some ideas they can do to help:
When they feel anxious...
Talk to your child about why they are feeling anxious and worried. You can reassure them that you understand how they feel and that these anxious feelings they have will come and go, and not last forever. Here are some things they can do to help:
When they feel scared...
People feel scared when they are in danger or when they are unsure about doing something that they have not done before. Help your child talk about what it is that is frightening them. Children often know what they are afraid of, but they find it hard to explain their fears in words, so you need to validate them and move on with reassurance. Here are some things they could do:
When they feel embarrassed...
You feel embarrassed when you do something that you think made you look silly or stupid. Being embarrassed can make children go bright red in the face and is therefore a difficult emotion to hide. You can tell your child about a situation that has made you feel embarrassed in the past and make sure you take their embarrassment seriously. We can’t always protect our children from embarrassment, but we can help them to build resilience and the confidence that they need to help them deal with it in a healthy way. Here are a few ideas:
I hope this has helped you to recognise some common feelings and emotions that your children maybe going through, and given you some ideas on how to deal with them. Speaking through these ideas with them will help them to cope with the emotions and get to know their feelings better. If you are interested in my Emotions and Feelings cards, you can order them here. I also have Anxiety help cards, which include more in depth ideas to help you help your child when they are feeling worried.
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Let's start by answering simply what it means to have a mental health problem. So a mental health problem is a change in thought, mood and/or behaviour that impairs functioning. In this article, I cover the basics of the different levels of mental health, the importance of reducing risk and increasing your child’s resilience and who you can speak to in order to get some further help or advice if you need it.
Positive mental health in children and young people is feeling loved, trusted, understood, valued and safe and because of this they will be interested in life and have opportunities to enjoy and express themselves. They will feel hopeful and optimistic and be able to learn and have ample opportunities to succeed. Having positive mental health means your child will be able to accept who they are and recognise that they are good at somethings and have a sense that they belong in their family, school and community. They will have a feeling that they have some control over their own life and also have the resilience and strength to overcome an issue when something is wrong or a problem needs solving.
Mental health problems can interfere with a child’s ability to learn, enjoy friendships and relationships and deal with any difficulties that they face. Your child may become anxious or frightened and lose interest or withdraw from the things and people they like and/or have difficulties concentrating. They could also become aggressive or disruptive and get into trouble with an authority.
Mental disorders are more severe and complex and they are persistent difficulties that do not get easily resolved and will interfere with the child’s everyday life. These may require specialist help and they can affect the lives of others as well as the child themselves. Examples are emanation disorders where anxiety and low mood can affect their ability to lead a ‘normal’ life. It is said that around ten percent of children have significant and enduring Mental Disorders, which is sadly increasing due to the pandemic.
Mental illnesses are severe disorders that have got a significant biological basis and they can emerge in mid to late adolescence. These conditions mean that the young person is often out of touch with reality, and they may deny or be unaware of the severity of the problem and could therefore become a significant risk to themselves. The most common mental illnesses are psychosis, severe clinical depression and extreme forms of anorexia.
Promoting positive mental health isn’t a specialist skill, it is something that all of us do every day without realising it! In order to increase positive mental health we need to reduce risk and increase resilience for the person.
So what are the risk factors? They could be: low self-esteem, negative thinking style, family instability, peer rejection, school failure, emotional trauma, isolation, discrimination or lack of access to support services, amongst others.
So what can we do? We therefore need to help reduce the above risks and at the same time increase the child’s resilience. This is their ability to adapt to difficult situations. When stress or trauma strikes, they might still experience anger, grief or pain, but are able to keep functioning, both physically and psychologically.
Dr Ginsbury, child paediatrician and human development expert proposes that there are 7 integral and interrelated components that make up being resilience.
The 7 C’s of resilience are:
Competence: This is when we notice what young people are doing right and give them opportunities to develop important skills - this will lead to competence. We undermine competence when we don't allow young people to recover themselves after a fall.
Confidence: Young people need confidence to be able to navigate the world, think outside the box, and recover from challenges.
Connection: Connections with other people, schools, and communities offer young people the security that allows them to stand on their own and develop creative solutions.
Character: Young people need a clear sense of right and wrong and a commitment to integrity.
Contribution: Young people who contribute to the well-being of others will receive gratitude rather than condemnation. They will learn that contributing feels good and may therefore more easily turn to others, and do so without shame.
Coping: Young people who possess a variety of healthy coping strategies will be less likely to turn to dangerous quick fixes when stressed.
Control: Young people who understand privileges and respect are earned through demonstrated responsibility will learn to make wise choices and feel a sense of control.
Difficulties arise in children that don’t have sufficient resilience and/or have not developed the attributes that are needed to promote and sustain positive mental health. These could be behavioural problems, anxiety, self-hard, low mood or attachment problems. As parents and carers we need to be available to reinforce the positive and encourage what is working well and then offer guidance on what might need changing in order to make things better.
Some people you can talk to that will be able to help and guide you are:
I developed my wide range of Mental Health boxes to support children and their parents and believe our boxes will make a big difference to you and your family. You can find out more about them here: https://shop.katiesclassroom.com/collections/mental-health-and-wellbeing
In my next blog I will be giving you some useful and practical resources such as websites, apps and books that may also help you to help your children with their mental health. Look out for this next month!
]]>Thank you so much for all your messages about screen time: what devices you have at home, what they do and how much time they spend on them and all your excellent advice. It is evident that ipad rage is REAL! Screens can turn our children into monsters and coming off them is ALWAYS a drama. It is absolutely horrendous when you can't pause the bl**dy game! Oh and in lockdown we collectively spent hours and hours on them!
So what devices do your children use?
What sorts of things do they do on them and play?
So how much time do we allow?
The advice you gave...
My next Katie’s Classroom project is all about conversation and how we can start conversations with our children to support their mental health! I’m really passionate about this. I believe conversation is at the heart of supporting and nurturing our children’s mental health. I think something so simple like being able to start a conversation with our children will help enormously! It is this conversation that might, in the worst case scenario, save their life!
The Charity Young Minds say: “Starting a conversation can be difficult, especially if you’re worried that your child is having a hard time. It doesn’t matter what topic the conversation starts with – it’s about the opportunity it gives you both to talk about feelings and to provide comfort.”
Listening to and talking to our children is important for so many reasons! Having a conversation can help improve our bond with our children. It may encourage our children to open up and also listen to us. A good conversation can also improve our children’s self-esteem.
With a lot of children now back at school, I have noticed I have less time to talk to my children. My children are often so exhausted from the school day, they find it hard to talk about what they have done, let along having a meaningful conversation with them but it is important we keep trying. I have found bath times a good time to chat!
Not all children like talking and some children are desperate to talk all the time!
How can we be better at communicating with our children?
Good communication is all about encouraging our children to talk to us and even more importantly allowing them that space to talk and making sure we really listen to them so that they can tell you how they feel openly. We also need to learn to respond to what they are saying in a sensitive way especially if what they are talking about is a worry, fear or embarrassing moment. Also watch out for their non-verbal cues.
My 8 top tips on talking, listening and having a good conversation with our children!
1. Remember to really listen! Let them know you are listening and that you have understood them by making eye contact and repeating back what they have said to you. This process really helps to validate their feelings and makes them feel like they have been really listened to.
2. Set aside time for talking and listening to each other. This might be at bath time, bed time or on the journey home from school. You will get to know when they like to open up the most and try and use this to your advantage. Bass most often opens up the moment we stop reading a bedtime story – just as we’re about to turn the light off!
3. Allow them to talk about all kinds of feelings, like joy, anger, fear and anxiety. Make sure you offer your own feelings to them so they know adults feel these extremes too. Again, this will validate their feelings and make them feel less alone.
4. Practice letting them finish talking before you respond. It is all too easy to interrupt or put words into your child’s mouth - try not to do this. I sometimes have to literally bite my tongue!
5. Make sure you are using language that is age appropriate and that your child will understand. It can be easy to forget that they don’t get everything, and this can be a real barrier.
6. Show more interest by asking things such as “Tell me more about…” or ask them how they feel about the things they are telling you about to try and get deeper into the conversation. They may be trying to tell you something but not know how.
7. It is important to avoid any criticism or blame - appeal to their sense of empathy and if you are angry about something that they have done, explain why it is wrong and why you don’t want them to do it again.
8. Be honest with them. I really believe the if you practice talking and listening to your children from a young age, then you will both get into habits that will be useful when they are teenagers. They will feel more comfortable being able to come to you and talk to you about what they have been doing or come to you for help when needed, even if they feel vulnerable.
Have you had a look at my Conversation Cards? There are 30 conversation starter cards to help you make conversation with your child and encourage their creativity and imagination. Using these will be sure to help encourage your child (and yourself!) to talk and listen.
Writing fairy tales
It is often claimed that Albert Einstein once said, “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”
Fairy tales are the most common type of bedtime story and therefore many children are introduced to them a long time before they can read them themselves. Unsurprisingly, fairy tales are hugely popular amongst children. They are magical and have imaginary being and lands. They typically feature princes and princesses, dragons, fairies, gnomes, giants, elves, talking animals and witches; lots of things to get our children's imaginations firing!
Importantly though, fairy tales are often blessed with unusual happiness, with ‘fairy-tale endings’ and are usually quite far fetched. Fairy tales thus allow children a safe place to explore the idea that life is not always easy and things can go wrong. The good characters are usually rewarded at the end and this reinforces positivity and the importance of being kind and thoughtful.
Fairy tales foster imagination and when children write them themselves, they can come up with endless fantasies and characters, which really helps develop their creative writing skills.
So why not task your child with writing their very own fairy tale with my top prompts below and see where their imagination takes them!
Title
Every story needs a title! Something that will suit the story and stand out from the rest. Here are some examples of famous ones:
Pinocchio - an unusual name
The enormous turnip - something funny
Treasure Island - sounds exciting
Black Beauty - words that begin with the same letter
Characters
Think about what characters you want in your story and how you would describe them to somebody else. Make up some names for them and describe what they look like and how they act. Use describing words to bring them to life such as strong, stubborn, loud, friendly, magical.
Create a scene
Think about where the story is based, what would the views be like, what buildings are there? Who lives there? What can you hear, smell and see? Some popular setting ideas are:
A magical kingdom
A cottage
In the woods
In a forest
In a castle
Beginning
A story needs a beginning and there are lots of ways to start a story but fairy tales often start with one of these:
Once upon a time, there lived…
Long ago, there was…
In a land far, far away…
The middle
This is the main part of the story, which is usually about a journey and is very exciting. What happens to the characters? You can use phrases throughout to link up the parts of the journey such as:
As night fell
Without warning
As if by magic
Before long
Then
Luckily
The End
Fairy tales often end with a problem being solved or a plan working out. To finish off the story, you can make them funny or surprising. You can use phrases such as:
They all lived happily ever after
As for the dragon…
The crowd roared when finally…
I would love to see some of the fairy tales your children come up with, so send me any and I will share them on my social media!